


A Loving Lock-up: Pining Idiots are Set up by Long-Suffering Friends

by fanderstothestanders



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Background Sleep | Remy Sanders, Blind Date, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, M/M, Mentioned implied future Intruality, Multi, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Remus type jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25911265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanderstothestanders/pseuds/fanderstothestanders
Summary: The other sides have had it with Roman and Janus. Their constant awkwardness around each other is bad enough. So is the near-constant occurrence of both of these pining idiots coming to all of them for advice on how to get back on the right foot with the other. So is the sighing, the all-too-obvious staring, and the effect it's having on all of them. So, they agree something needs to change, and quick... and soon enough the perfect opportunity is created for some honesty and tenderness.Roman and Janus, are oblivious to this delicious decision mad for their own good by possibly the best friends and famILY ever.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	A Loving Lock-up: Pining Idiots are Set up by Long-Suffering Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this, I had so much fun writing it- let me know if you need anything else tagged!

It was July when they’d decided they’d all had enough. The others were sick of all this tension- Roman and Janus still had not even spoken since things came to verbal blows over six weeks ago, Logan noted to the others, who had all gathered in his room to discuss getting their house in figurative order. Of course, each side individually had taken responsibility for and openly recognized their wrongdoings and transgressions against the other on that too-warm afternoon in April. Yet, neither party was willing to forsake their stubborn pride to extend a figurative olive branch. This led to the uncomfortable silences, harsh looks, and the dogged appearances of both the prince of daydreams and the facet of self-preservation. 

Not to mention the anguish and frustration the rest of them were going through in their efforts to keep the peace. Even Remus was feeling the strain of trying to be a mediator between his hot-blooded brother and his cold-blooded colleague. And he was (rather loudly) complaining about that very process.

“Both of those whiny boner-heads keep coming to  _ me _ to complain. About each other. Like, all the time! It makes me want to rip my hair out and stick it all in my ears!” he prattled petulantly, splaying himself across Patton and Virgil’s laps with a grainy shriek. “ If Ro-Bro isn’t whining about how Jan’s “ too ‘blinded by his lies’ to come and talk to him himself, then why should he be so upset looking at him.” Then it’s Snacc Mamba hissing in my ears about how my brother’s “tragic nature” is going to be the death of him, like some moronic Greco-Roman Adonis.” Remus imitated each of their warring parties with frightening accuracy, even down to their facial expressions, and it was hard to forget at that moment the power he held as a portion of Creativity. “I am sick of it. Not to mention,” Remus added with a defiant pout of his mustachioed lip at Patton, “Daddy dearest decided to take away my pummeling privileges!” Virgil snorted at the childish gaze Remus gave Morality, who just squeaked at him.

“Look, kiddo, I know you’re frustrated, I am too. We all are,” Patton began in a tired drawl- one Logan would have thought uncharacteristic if he hadn’t been experiencing the same exhaustion- dragging a hand through his curls, “ but violence is only going to make this worse. And I told you last night; you can have your weapons back when you stop wrecking my tchotchkes with them, Cookie! That Christmas box was the last thing Thomas and I had t-”

“Ahem,” Logan interrupted with a harsh cough. Patton flushed, and Remus shriveled, both of them looking distinctly bashful about getting into a domestic in front of the other pair. “As we were discussing, this has gone on for too long. Roman and Janus need to start communicating with  _ each other _ if we are ever going to get, quote, “back to normal,” so does anyone have any ideas on how to facilitate a meeting between the two of them?”

Virgil raised his hand in a half-committed wave of two fingers. Logan nodded at him, gently urging him on to speak. “Well,” Virgil muttered, “we need to get them alone with each other, even force them to talk if we have to. They’re both too guarded to get vulnerable with all of us around at once. The pressure’d be too much for them, and that would probably end with one of them blowing up at the other and sinking out, which doesn’t fix anything. That would make it way worse than it is now. Clearly, since we’re all here now, the advice we’re giving them isn’t sinking in. His Royal Blindness fully believes we’re all going to hate him if he can’t work things out with Self-Care Snake, and Janus thinks Roman is going to hurt him again… or he’ll hurt Roman. So, both of them would much rather do nothing, even though we all know why they care so much about hurting each other’s feelings.” There, Logan found himself perplexed and quirked an eyebrow over at the couch where the other three participants of this meeting were nodding in agreement.

“Alright, I am apparently out of the figurative loop here, why is that, Virgil?”

All of the others nodded at one another solemnly, before Patton piped up, “Well, because they, for lack of better terms, like-like each other… and they’re scared of getting hurt.”

“Like-like? We haven’t used that term since adolescence. I’m not following.”

That’s when Remus expanded. “They have heart-boners for each other, have since the day they met, duh!”

“Okay…”

“They want to fuck, but like, with their feelings and hearts instead of their boners. Roman’s all gaga for JD’s scaly d---,” he continued, thankfully censored by Patton’s quick hand, “Good old Deceit thinks Roman is sexy Prince Charming, and Janus is just the dragon he fights with his shirt off. They have been c--k over heels for each other since Thomas got into theatre in fifth grade, and this whole lover’s quarrel isn’t killing any of those old flamy, disgusting fantasies.”

“Oh, that,” Logan noted, pinching his glasses into the bridge of his nose, “Is that all? They’re afraid of pursuing a relationship that could be closer and thus more vulnerable than their past flirtations? That's why they're acting so completely obtuse?”

All three of them gaped at him but nodded anyway.

“If that is the case, we have two options- respect their privacy and leave them to sort out their own feelings until the matter resolves itself, or we meddle and try to expedite the process.”

“I’m team meddling personally,” Virgil conceded with a sheepish grimace. “If I have to play therapist one more time to those two self-loathing morons, I’m checking in on the next episode of  _ Cartoon Therapy _ .”

“Okay, thank you for your honesty, Virgil. Patton, Remus, any opinions on the best course of action?”

“Well, it would help them out if they spent some time together talking…” Patton pitifully prattled, signaling with a shy thumbs up that he was reluctantly on board.

Remus held no restraint in giving his answer- not that Logan expected him to hold back his, erm, passion, chanting enthusiastically, “SET THEM UP. LOCK THEM IN A CLOSET. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THEM BONING AND OFF OUR BACKS.”

“Well, it seems we have reached a conclusion, now all we have to do is come up with a plan…”

Roman was aware that something was off, but he honestly couldn’t make up his mind whether or not he was just paranoid. That morning, he’d awoken at an earlier hour than he’d planned for. When he pulled himself out from under the covers, he discovered a note on his vanity mirror in Remus’s signature Beetlejuice-themed stationery, a gift Roman had given him for his ‘birthday.’ The following message is what got him filled with enough adrenaline to start the day. 

_ Dearest Booger-Brains, _

_ I am going questing in the Imagination tomorrow. Don’t ask why- I have my own creations to tend to! _

_ Anyway, I know you’ve been all moody and shit lately, so if you want it, I’ve set up your gardens for your melancholy moaning for the night. Meet me there at sunset for dinner and gross grown-up gushing. Consider it a birthday present from your favorite other half! I’ll supply drinks and snacks from Pat-Cat’s kitchen. Don’t be late, or I’ll put worms in your hair gel again. _

_ Sincerely yours, _

_ Your Tenacious ‘D’ owning Brother, _

_ Remus _

Finally, an interesting plan for an evening. Sure his brother wasn’t strictly his favorite company, but he was family, more so than any of the other sides were, technically speaking. And their hangouts in the shared realms were measurably more pleasant than the many nights Roman had spent holed up in his room overthinking lately. He grabbed his pen and drafted a quick and scathing reply to his brother before tackling the rest of the morning, hardly noting how odd it would be for Remus to want to listen to more of his musings about Dece- about Janus. That would be just the thing to make him a little more cheery.

Janus started his morning with a relatively high amount of shock, with insistent knocking on his door, far earlier than he would prefer. Call him what you will, but he was not an early riser by any means. He tried ignoring it, but that only worked for all of six minutes before a lilting voice was calling out behind the door, accompanying the knocking.

“Good Morning, Janus, my sweet as a pie-thon pal! It’s Patton… I brought tea and breakfast!”

Well, he supposed, no use trying to will him away. Patton had taken to sticking near Janus ever since the night of the wedding and insisting on ‘checking up’ on him as the weeks went on, and he was as stubborn as a bullfrog when it came to ensuring Janus wasn’t being ignored. Janus wanted to believe he appreciated this gesture, but that was difficult to put into his head at 9:30 AM.

Nevertheless, he tugged his weighted blankets off of himself and made his way towards the door, covering his arms with a warm, fluffy robe- complete with his own insignia!- and opened up to see that his charismatic caretaking friend was indeed standing in front of him with breakfast for two and a still-steaming kettle. There was no polite way to send him off now, the tired snake gremlin in his brain remarked. Janus grinned up at Patton anyhow and waved him inside.

“ HAah,” he sighed as he stretched upwards, kicking the door closed behind him and relishing in the relieving popping sensations of his back and shoulders relaxing, “Good morning Patton. To what do I owe the pleasure of this  _ dreadful _ visit?” Janus inquired with a casual aire as he set up the food Patton brought with him on a small end table next to his window, where the two of them often chatted.

“Well, to be entirely hon- _ hiss _ , kiddo. I wanted to ask you for a favor,” Patton replied, sheepishly tugging at his hoodie sleeves, “and, if you’re willing, for some advice?” He looked distinctly pale and more than a little shy about asking.  _ A personal matter _ , Janus inferred. He responded with a kind nod and a gentle request that his guest joins him in sitting down, which Patton did quickly after being asked.

“So, what is it that seems to be troubling you, Patton? Is Remus not on his  _ worst _ behavior? The two of you  _ aren’t  _ hitting it off lately now that things have cooled off- yes, I’ve noticed, I would  _ love _ to have to reign him in again…”

Patton flushed up to his ears, but he was quick to come to the trashman’s defense. “No, no, Remus has been… Well, pretty wonderful, actually,” he sighed dreamily, leaning his head against his cheek.  _ Romantic, _ he thought.  _ And disgusting _ . “ We’ve been hanging out loads lately, and well, uhm, it’s a good thing you brought him up. You two are pretty good friends, right?”

“Yes,  _ I cannot stand him _ . How can I help you?”

“Well, you’re familiar with Greek myths and history, right?”

“Yes, that happens to be a special interest of mine. Why?”  _ No use lying this early, you’ll just trip yourself up. _

“Oh, goody! After watching  _ Hercules _ the other night, Remus got all excited and jittery, and golly it was adorable, you should have seen it, Jay--”

“-- getting to the point, com _ padre _ \--”

“-- He told me he’s been wanting to work on making his creations more historically accurate. So he was up until late with Logan the other day talking about monsters from Greek mythos and reading about Olympics--”

“--Olympiads, Greco-Roman gladiatorial games that inspired the modern era pageantry of sports, I’m familiar--”

“-- and he thinks he’s got it all figured out! He invited me to come to watch him compete against some of his, erm,  _ nicer _ , monsters tomorrow night in the Imagination. And, well, I want to tell him how I feel about him, but he’s not great at understanding my mushy words yet. Think you can help me find some way to do it, so he understands my, uh, intentions?”

“Okay, you want him to understand your feelings; YOU first need to understand his love language is complicated. And since I take it you don’t want him to get the wrong impression by your attendance and have this blooming relationship go the way of many tragic mythical lovers… miscommunication can be deadly when it comes to ancient courtship rituals. Romantic and sensual intentions mix in with shows of loyalty. There are several means people have used over time to show favor during a gladiatorial exposition,” Janus continued, “and as an added bonus for your situation, they’re often more than a little gross by modern standards. You can use that to your advantage. Remus  _ wouldn’t _ find it incredibly charming if, say, you wiped up his sweat and blood with a nice handkerchief in that baby blue color you’re so fond of or wore a band on your arm with his name on it. Those were both popular ways for people to claim a gladiator as a champion, or to claim their preference. Now, you mentioned a favor, what is that about? I assume it’s related to this terrors tourney?”

“Well, you know how I get squeamish around Remus and some of his… erm, creations? Well, thinking that over, it’s pretty hypocritical of me! Especially after I went all  _ frog wild  _ in the last video. So, I want to learn to handle things that frighten me better…”

“Well, I’m proud of you for making growth a priority, Patton, but why are you so nervous?” Janus inquired with a skeptical glance that seemed to melt all of the symbols of Morality’s resistance.

Patton broke down with a little whine that showcased his embarrassment. “Will you meet me there tonight before I go see Remus? Come with me to sneak a peek at what he has in store? Pretty please, I really don't know how I'll react to being surprised and if I try to tell Remus he'd just feel like he has to change everything. I don't want that… but I also don't want to get scared out of my khakis!”

Janus couldn't help the fond glare he sent across the table. With a heavy sigh of faux-annoyance, he conceded with a grin, “ _ Absolutely _ .  _ I’d hate to be a good friend and help you out _ . When would you like me to meet you there?”

Patton's squeal of glee was enough to make Janus wince in his exhaustion, it always did terrible things to his senses, as much as he hated to admit his sensitivity. Yet he was happy. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Janus, are you a boa constrictor, cuz I just wanna squeeze you! Meet me at sunset, Remus likes to get work done late at night mostly, so hopefully, we won't ruin anything. I'll make snacks!” And with that, the preppy patriarch bounced up from his chair and bounded towards the door. “I'll let you get back to your rest, kiddo! Thanks again for your time and help, I'll see you later. Gotta go get breakfast ready for the others!”

And if Janus noticed anything off about Patton's specific mood and his request, he chalked it up to the nerves of a pining heart… and he supposed he should know all about those feelings by now. Indeed ironic that Creativity was brought up, but Patton was kind enough not to mention it then, even though he knew his entire torrid habit of pining. Remus, unlike the source of Janus’s heartache, was aware that he and the father figure figment had feelings for each other. That was not Janus’s luck. But he supposed that was just par for the course these days. 

He’d loved Creativity for as long as he could remember feeling Love. He wistfully recalled the playful giggles between himself and Roman in the first days they met- Thomas’s first time creating an original character. They didn’t have names back then- Janus wasn’t Deceit yet, either… that was too big a concept for little Tommy Sanders to grasp at the time. No, he had been called ‘Trick’. Roman was still ‘Creativity’; and so was Remus, but no one made a fuss about that until years later. He was still the same shining face with bright eyes that Janus remembered, but alas, things were very different between them now, no matter how much that flame he had for the romantic prince refused to die no matter what he did to try and douse it. And, with recent events in mind, he figured he’d certainly done enough to squash any chance of his Austenian fantasies coming to fruition- there would be no sunset confessions, no warm hugs and hot, syrupy kisses, no moonlight dances or confessions in the rain. It bothered his admittedly cheesy soul. Even so, his weak and lonely heart did it’s best to fight him and his wallowing in disgust and self-pity- he loved that entitled, overbearing, stubborn, vindictive himbo, and there was just nothing he could do about it.

For every iota of pride he felt when he and Roman agreed, he felt triple the guilt when he hurt him. Whatever amount of satisfaction came from leveling him and his ego when they were both in such a volatile state- like April and the wedding fiasco, for example- was thrown back to absolutely gut him with a single glance his way. And it didn’t stop as the weeks went on, even after hesitant meetings and awkward spaces in a conversation where one bit back a dig at the other. He loved Roman, and it was killing him softly. He chuckled sourly to himself,  _ fitting to die a death by a double-edged sword… especially since your two faces got you here in the first place. _ And with a bitter glance at his cold toast, Janus grabbed his tea and moved to his desk to start on his reading for the day-  _ Pride and Prejudice _ . If it were anyone else in his exact situation, he would have laughed at the tragic irony of this choice, but laughing at himself this way was not self-care, he knew that much as fact.

Hushed voices in the kitchen were the first and only odd sign Roman took note of, he came down for breakfast and found four pairs of eyes staring back at him in what he supposed to be surprise.

“Ro-Bro!” Came Remus’s vibrato of excitement. “Ready for our epic Grecian expedition tonight?” he asked, so clearly thrilled and excited that he fell off of the counter looking like a trash covered puppy with a case of the shakes.

“Absolutely, Wiggle Worm,” Roman remarked with a soft eye roll as his brother sunk down through the floor with a gleeful squeal. “What’s up with all of you, by the way? Something interesting happening in the mindscape that I haven’t heard about, you’re all creeping around me like Lock, Shock, and Barrel?” He laughed as he fixed himself a plate, utterly unaware of the chaotic exchange of glances going on behind his back. “If there’s some fresh gossip, spill it. I’d hate to have to go find Remy at a time like this, he’s insufferable when I wake him up.”

“Uhhhhhhh…” was the brilliant response he got from looking to Virgil.

“Well, there are many things we can speculate about.” Typical Logan.

“Nothing too crazy, just some personal stuff,” Patton replied with flush heading up to his ears.  _ Hmm, nice to see he’s finally telling Remus he likes him. _

_ Remus gets a love confession, and I never do _ .

He took that thought and shoved as far down into his mind as it could go.

“Okay, since none of you are willing to say why you’re acting so weird and suspicious, do you mind if I take breakfast upstairs? I’ve got some daydreams I think Thomas could find inspiring!” 

Patton grinned and sent him off with a hug and some orange juice, and Roman went back to his room, suddenly teeming with brilliant scenes of fictional love where the phrase ‘Could be Gayer’ worked like a charm. They were never failing to keep him from feeling a little better, sighing, and simmering with affection. Christine and Raoul’s stirring ballad on the roof of the Opera House, Christian and Satine dancing with one another, Tony and Maria meeting at the dance. Each of these scenes played in his head seamlessly, with two men embracing in place of the female protagonist, sweeping each other off of their feet in elegant displays of their passionate romance… It was almost too good to be true. And even though he knew that he didn’t care.

He was caught up in his dreaming before he even knew it. Sweeping music filled his room, which transformed before him to a beautiful Parisian night scene. Complete with a ballroom below his view, where most of his ordinary bedroom was behind him, and his arms, now encased in a tailcoat of luxurious maroon silk rested upon a dark mahogany banister. He could feel the romance seeping into his skin almost as these visions transfixed themselves in his head, the extravagant, hedonistic beauty of the past. More grandiose lovers over fictional history floated through his head like honored guests arriving at a ball. For some reason, his heart embedded itself in the gallantry of ballroom dance meetings and regency courtship. He was so caught up in his fantasy that he did not take any particular note of two important details. One was that the music around him, filling the air, was shifting. The bold, period-appropriate instrumental melted away to a jazz age instrumental of Nina Simone’s ‘I Put a Spell on You’. The other crucial detail Roman really should have caught was the slinking form of his twin brother sneaking into the room, laying clothes out for him on his bed, and then slipping surreptitiously to his entrance to the imagination and fiddling with the control panel by the door. All of this occurred whilst an oblivious Princey waltzed around his room with an amorphous figure that was shifting more and more to look like Deceit himself as the music swelled, thinking himself alone and unencumbered by the nagging of the others over his useless pining. And Remus got in and out without his brother even noticing.

Patton was folding a picnic blanket for the adventure that night when Remus rose up right beside him, startling a jump out of his pining paternal partner-in-crime.

“Okay, Pattycakes, everything is set. Also, we needed to do this now.” Remus remarked with a cringe. “There’s no way he can sink ‘em out without my help now. They gotta talk if they want to sleep in their own beds tonight… I hope this fixes it, cuz… woof.”

“Oooh, I know that look,” Patton sighed forlornly, “he’s using the ballroom again, isn’t he?”

Remus responded with a solemn nod.

They had all, unfortunately, interrupted Roman mid-fantasy in this fashion before, and even the particular daydream Remus had walked in on was encountered more and more frequently as the months went on since Deceit had revealed himself. Remus and the other sides all knew that Roman was a hopeless romantic, and when it became clear that he was catching feelings they all worried about his heart if Deceit’s true nature was revealed. Roman was a loyal friend if nothing else, but that led to some dependency issues and a fragile sense of the world around him. Logan would point out the logical fallacies that the prince took to his core, Patton was the marker for all that was good and right, Virgil’s views of situations were to be met with agreement unless you wanted another argument, Logan was stifling him and thus was just boring, at best, Remus was in charge of intrusive thoughts and unbridled fantasies, so he as the hero had to be the perfect representation of good… This worldview was shattered now. But Roman was indulging in his fantasies to cope with another part of this new perspective. Janus was now off-limits in his mind, and goodness if it wasn’t obvious to every witness that this made him even more desirable to Roman. And the ballroom was one place he’d created where his mind could conjure up an approximate replica as a means for him to indulge in his romantic fantasy and not have to risk the heartbreak of facing Janus in the real world.

Patton and Remus knew what this could do to Roman better than anyone. And if all their effort ensured tonight went as they all silently hoped, then he wouldn’t have to indulge himself in those kinds of temporary highs again, only to fall and break his own heart all over again when reality set in.

“So, pretty fancy spread? Why?”

“Well, I figure if we’re trapping them on a blind date in the gardens, the nice thing we can do is give them a beautiful, romantic meal together,” Patton said into the basket, gently filling it up with treats and a nice bottle of chilled champagne.

“Oooh, they get the fancy stuff, huh? Stuffed dates, Figs and brie, Champers, melon balls, and chocolates… very sexy, Daddy Cakes,” Remus purred with a wink, “Whoever gets your Love Doctor medicine is in for a pampering~, Ph.D.” Remus took note of the particularly pretty shade of pink Patton was turning at that comment and relished the sputtering moments Patton took cooling off before turning back to his basket.

“Oh, come on. Knock it off. Those two will probably want to kill us for what we’re doing, so this is for your safety and mine. Plus, a little romance might sweeten things. Can you pass me that bread, please? There are cheeses and some almond butter in here somewhere…” Patton continued to fuss over making a perfect date night menu for someone else, blind to the dreamy smile across the Duke’s face.

“Sure thing, Frog-Man,” Remus said, knocking himself out of his love-induced stupor. The two of them threw everything together and then separated, ready for their mischief-making to begin. And if Patton held back some wine and glasses from the basket, neither mentioned it.

Roman rose up in the beautiful, sweeping gardens he’d created after a particularly fond spree of research on Susan Egan, decked in quasi-Grecian attire. This was courtesy of his brother after finding an only partially threatening note reminding him not to be late. He felt a little ridiculous, decked in linen and silk, even if it was refreshing to be back in the new Imagination, a shared realm between newly reunited brothers- no more barriers between them, no more hiding and marking off certain spots as their own and forbidden from the other. There was no need for that or really any of the distance they were used to, but Remus did pick a rather garish tunic ensemble to give his beloved other half- a short and breezy white tunic in linen, covered with a thick capelet/sash/general chest covering layer of fabric in red silk.  _ Very Miles Gloriosus _ , Roman chuckled to himself, wishing he didn’t have to indulge his brother in this particular bit of ritual, yet another one of Remus’s hot-blooded tantrums would have been too much for poor, exhausted Roman to deal with. So, he swallowed his opinion about how much skin he was exposing for ‘cultural accuracy's sake’ and strolled through the warm evening air and soft grasses to a knoll where the two of them had met often at the start of adventures… only to find he was alone.

“Ugh, and after all that fuss, he can’t even be bothered to show up on time himself?!” he huffed, scanning the horizon for any sign of his cryptid-chasing counterpart. “Reek? Dukey? Duke of Booger Breath? Where are you?!” he called through the weeping trees. No response, so he puffed up his chest and began wading through the labyrinth of foliage Remus had crowned ‘his perfect maze-minus the minotaur.’ “REEEEEEEEEMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSS!” He bellowed with as much volume as he could conjure, disturbing a few birds across the skyline.

He still was answered only by silence… but not for long.

Rustling in the brush soon alerted him to what could either have been his company… or a frightening creation of his brother’s playful mind.

So for Roman, it was a surprise, to say the least when it wasn’t Remus who emerged from the bushes, but a rather disheveled Janus shrouded in white robes corded with gold rope, clutching a basket and looking a little miffed.

“Ahh, Roman. Hello.” He murmured, gazing around for  _ something _ . “How long have you been here? I’m a bit lost and  _ certain  _ of the time… I was looking for someone else… ”

Awkward, might as well pronounce them Awkward, Pining Morons.

Roman felt all at once more shy and naked than he’d felt since Thomas’s adolescence, seeing Janus before him when he was wearing such short layers of linen and silk, clinging his hands to his pecs in a timid manner he would find unmanly under normal circumstances. He pondered how long he’d been there, then sighed, “Close to seven. I don’t suppose you’ve seen my brother.”

“ _ Absolutely _ . He’s evading you, eh? It seems Patton is nowhere to be found, as well.” He gestured to the basket, tied with a baby blue ribbon, to match its owner. “He offered me dinner to help him confess to your brother after what is certain to be a harrowing turn of events masquerading as the festivities of your brother’s show of strength against Greek monsters. We rose up together, he handed me this basket and then he tore off to make sure Remus wasn’t lurking about.”

“Well, I haven’t seen either of them, and I was supposed to be meeting Remus for a bit of monster wrangling and gossip myself. Though he’s either not listening when I call him, or something nefarious is happening here…”

“So no luck finding him? Bet they’re  _ not making goo-goo eyes at each other _ .” Janus added with a chuckle as the two of them traveled together towards the garden, hoping to find the pair they sought in an open space.

And find them, they did. Remus and Patton, embracing in cheer in the middle of a Greek statue-filled garden, clinking glasses and sinking out- much to the chagrin of their dinner company.

“Umm, you saw that, right? They were here, together… which means…” Roman stammered in disbelief.

“We’ve been had, Princey,” Janus remarked with a sly chuckle, “ I have to say, I’m impressed. Now, the question is, why?”

A cackle sound through the trees, almost ethereal if not for the brash voice that followed it.

“Because we’re sick of it, Janny!” Came the boom of Remus’s voice echoing through the atmosphere as if it were the air itself.

“Umm, that is, Kiddos,” Patton hastily cut in, his tremulous giggle permeating like a breeze, “ that we all know how much you both have been feeling lately, and we think you should talk to each other.”

“And we knew if we gave you an option, you’d both rather eat toenails than come to that conclusion yourselves, dummies! So, enjoy the lovely scenery and get to dishing, cuz no one is leaving here until you do.” Roman and Janus spared each other a hesitant glance before turning their gazes to the sky with fury and hot embarrassment, respectively.

“Oh, Hells spells, Remus!” Roman said with a particularly petulant tinge. “This is not what I meant when I agreed to this! This isn’t venting, and moreover, this isn’t happening!” Roman sunk out without another glance towards the scaled side… for approximately thirty seconds before he popped right back up beside Janus. He spluttered and flapped before attempting to exit once more, only to promptly reappear right in the same spot as he’d left. 

After about twenty attempts, Roman took stock of the fact he was trapped as he was thrown to the ground forcefully this time and cried out, “Seriously?! Remus, I’m Creativity, too!! I have a right to this place as much as you do, so whatever you did to screw with my control, I’m going to have my-”

“-Uh-huh, blah, blah, blah. Ro-Bro, you can kick my ass later, dingus! There’s another ass there you should be paying more attention to~. Neither of you is leaving until this disgusting mess is fixed!” A laughing voice called out in singsong, followed by a giggle in a much sofer, slightly faraway tone.

“Well, we’re stranded together.” Roman sighed, collapsing against a willow tree, heaving a sigh. All of his weight sunk into the ground beneath him and he didn’t care for a second how absolutely pitiful he looked… or how cruel he sounded.

“Well, thank you for telling me,  _ I didn’t witness the past ten minutes myself _ !” Janus bit back, smirking to himself as the basket left his arm, thudding against Roman’s stomach with a satisfying  _ thunk _ . “There, enjoy your dinner, I’m going somewhere quiet to pontificate on killing your brother and revoking my trust in Patton in a graceful manner-”

“-NO!” cried the Prince, bolting up to stop him. “Erm, what I meant was, please don’t leave. Remus’s creations have a tendency for disliking me, and I have a feeling he’ll sic a hellhound on me if we separate. Please,” Roman offered with a little flourish of his arm, “join me… here, where I know we’ll both be safe.” Roman thanked his lucky stars that it was dark enough that the hot flush burning his face up to his ears was less noticeable, or even undetectable. The typically cape-clad side settled down next to him, and he couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

Janus could hardly believe he was in this reality- sitting under a tree, splitting what could only be considered excessively nice food, and waiting out whatever game Remus was playing… wait, he mentioned talking… venting… what exactly did the twins talk about here?

“So,” Janus ventured, halfway through a glass of wine, “Remus  _ and _ Patton want us to talk… is someone or some _ thing _ bothering you, Roman? Is there anything I can do?” He tried to ignore how quickly Roman’s posture stiffened, but he couldn’t.  _ Naturally, he wouldn’t want to trust you _ , his mind supplied. He pushed that down as far away from his mind as he could, trying to keep his expression blank yet open.

“I… I…” Roman muttered, trying his best to pluck up the nerve and get this conversation started  _ as a real man would _ . “I… owe you an apology. A real one, anyway.” He finally said with a heavy grunt.

“Oh?” Janus questioned coolly, nodding him along to continue.

_ More awkward incoming. _

“Yes. You and I have never truly talked to one another, at least in recent years, without having something to hide or something to gain from it. And that set both of us up with, well, rather unrealistic expectations of each other. I was cruel to you from the start, and I have never given you a chance to fully explain yourself,” he began speaking with a heavy sigh, gaze avoiding Janus’s eyes deliberately, for fear of another apology springing forth,  _ I’m sorry I’m such an idiot and I fell in love with you and I don’t deserve your time or your trust and I shouldn’t even be here.  _ “And recently, I hurt you in a way that I can hardly believe I was capable of… but really, that’s exactly like me, when I thought more about the situation… I shouldn’t have mocked you in a vulnerable moment like that. Revealing your name was a decision you made to prove yourself trustworthy in a moment of crisis and not one any of us- myself the least- should have taken lightly. I had my reasons for reacting as I did, but they do not justify my behavior towards you. For that, I am truly sorry. I was not open to hearing or seeing the benefit you are to Thomas… even when what you sought was exactly what I wanted too. I was a hypocrite and an absolute jerk. I have needed to say that to you for a long time now, and I haven’t for fear of getting my share of the blame thrown back at me… I deserve that, too.”

His head hung low and he stared at the apple in his hand with shame across his face.

“Ahh, well. Thank you for all of that,” Janus sighed, “I accept your apology. And, I am also incredibly sorry, Roman.”

“Wait, you’re sorry? For what?” Roman asked, eyes wide.

“For everything. I acted the way I have lately, so none of you would truly know me… Virgil said it best; it is easier to get a point across when you’re too scary to ignore. I have been lying to all of you, and myself from the very beginning to hide my true intentions… and that has not served us well, in our functions to Thomas, or each other. I guided you to act in my favor when that was what Thomas wanted, regardless of what Thomas “should” have been thinking or doing. But, you know what they say, the truth will out in the end. I am Deceit, Self-Preservation. I manipulated you, any of you, all of you at one point or another, to serve Thomas’s true wishes… and I’ve never explained that. Or apologized for hurting you in the process.”

“So, I was right,” he murmured wetly, not caring that the supposed ‘self-care snake’ saw tears in his eyes. “You puppeted me, and knew all along I couldn’t resist your charms…” Roman choked a wrenching sob into his hand. Janus recoiled, eyes soft and solemn.

“No,” Janus breathed, “ I was selfish, that’s true- however, I would never be so callous as to toy with you in that way. It’s our nature. **_MY_** nature. I hurt you. I need to rectify that. Whatever I need to do to regain your trust, should you ever deem me worthy of it again, I shall do.”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” Roman added. “ After all, I called you evil, ruined our relationship, friendship… whatever it was, and destroyed our trust in one another… yet you believe you’re the one who needs to be worthy.”

“Yes, you deserve that much.”

“Don’t lie to me now.”

“I wouldn’t. Not anymore, not now that we’re here… I do know better than that. Roman, please look me in the eyes.” He knelt at the side of the silently sobbing prince. Roman gazed up to see late afternoon sunlight glinting off of Janus, almost circling him with a halo of light he would find glorious in lighter circumstances. Now, it looked practically revenant, holy. “I am genuinely, gut-wrenchingly sorry for how my cruel words hurt you after the wedding. I reacted out of anger, yet that is no excuse for what I said, the vitriol I threw at you. I called you evil, compared you to someone I knew you saw as the worst parts of yourself, and worse, I hid from you all this time instead of apologizing quickly after it happened. I can’t neglect those facts, we were so awful to each other. I am so sorry I ever allowed myself to be so callous as to shatter you myself, Roman. If it makes things any better,” he said, pulling his back taut, “ I’m being perfectly honest with you. I am going to be perfectly fine if it doesn’t change a thing in how you see me, but you should know I didn’t mean those horrible things I said. Not for a second.”

“You didn’t, really?” Roman asked, scrubbing at his eyes before turning his piercing green eyes up to Dece- Janus. He looked up to find a stern look on Janus’s face. He felt better already, just seeing the regret clear on the other’s face, as much as the larger, more romantic part of him wished it would go away and never mar that beautiful face again.

“Of course not. I have a particularly nasty habit of lashing out with my words when I’m feeling hurt… we seem to share that trait, Charming. I hope you can forgive me, I miss the old days.”

“Heh, perhaps.” A small smile began tracing both of their faces.

“Janus?” Roman asked, feeling that name escaping his lips for the first time… he found it flowed nicer than any approximate he put in its place in his earlier daydreams. It fit the man in front of him. That was a satisfying sound, like milk and honey stirring into black tea in a single word. He wondered more about it at the moment it left his mouth than about the man it belonged to.

“Yes, Roman?” Janus replied, eager to dig back in the basket in the interim of questioning, returning to the prince’s line of sight with a pomegranate in hand and a small knife.

“Your name is spelled J-A-N-U-S, right?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“ I thought so, naturally, but I didn’t want to assume… Why did you make that your name?”

Janus let a small chuckle loose as he quartered the fruit, careful not to let that deep ruby juice drip on his newly gloveless hands. Roman tried not to combust at the sight in front of him and attempted to appear attentive when Janus spoke again, despite his mental blue screening. His breathy murmur caught Roman’s attention and yet, it was so soft that he couldn’t catch any of the words.

“If you don’t feel comfortable sharing, I get it,” he said, mostly meaning it. He admitted to himself he’d be a little hurt if Janus had to keep that a mystery, as it had just reached his awareness that it could hold some high significance. He knew the man he was eating with and slowly understanding more didn’t make many choices lightly. It seemed to be a trait all of the ‘dark sides’ shared. Exempting only his brother… well, he couldn’t just be the only one without brain cells, he supposed…

“I will admit it is… personal. But you have every right to know, I suppose,” he purred back, sighing quietly and passing a piece of the fruit to Roman.

“Why would I? None of us knew it until a few months ago.”

“You need to know… because I want you to know before Logan gets fed up with me and tells you.”

Roman’s breath catches in his throat. He was not expecting that… did he have to worry about stepping in on a taken man? If he got any more vulnerable, he’d probably end up letting something about his feelings slip, and he did not want to ruin his recently mended friendship with Logan.

“O-kay, should I be worried? Why would Logan tell me about your name?”

Janus seemed uncomfortable, but in a completely different manner than Roman had ever seen him. It was sort of odd to see his confidence shaken. “Well, he has been rather fed up with me interrupting his work, and it would be an easy chance to embarrass me. Are you aware of the origins of my name?” Janus asked, pacing in front of the tree, fidgeting with his fingers.

“No, I can’t say that I am…”

“Janus is a Roman name.”

If Roman had been expecting anything from this conversation, it certainly hadn’t been a revelation like that. He could feel his skin flushing pink. It seemed that all his breath caught in his throat at the sight of the sheepish looking side in front of him.

“Oh.”

“The Ancient Roman God of Doorways- or transition- was called Janus. Often depicted with two faces, one gazing towards the future, one still stuck in the past. When I picked it, I thought it was fitting… ironically so, it turns out.” Janus confessed, avoiding looking at Roman, who was thankful for that, being ten shades of red, none of which matching his sash.

“ Oh,  _ oh.  _ You, you- why?”

“You inspired me. From the first moment, we began working together, long before any of us even fully understood what I was. You were so incredible- charming, eloquent and gallant, open, and so charismatic. And proud. And strong. I suppose I was always a little envious of how easy you made it for everyone to like you. So when you and Remus decided we all needed names since Creativity kept getting mixed up at the wrong times, I wanted something that would remind me to be more like that. More like you.”

“You think that highly of me?” Roman said, bewildered, eyes not leaving Janus for a single second. This was like a dream, and if it was a dream, he intended to soak in every last morsel of the beautiful feeling that was filling his chest.

“Yes. I have since we were all younger. You may not always see yourself like that, but to me, you are sunshine,” Janus confessed, seeming almost breathless with each word, “ I saw you, and my days became warmer, heard your music and smiled, basked in whatever words you said to me and cherished the warmth they gave me. I could never mean you any pain, not truthfully, because I care about you too much to bear being the reason you falter.”

Roman had to have died and this angel was escorting him to heaven. There was no way that all meant what he inferred it did. Admiration can be intellectual or even platonic appreciation between friends, of course. And caring doesn’t mean Janus felt the same yearning he did, right? He was flushing down his neck and chest, and he could hardly hear Janus’s movements as he approached him over the hammering of his heart in his ears. This uncertainty was agony, sweet, torturous, marvelous, and new. The poetry in Janus’s words kept repeating in his mind, and Roman could almost feel himself growing dizzy from their strength and beauty.

In fact, he was in such a state that he didn’t notice Janus right beside him, gently raising his chin with a deliciously smooth hand that was slightly cooler due to the iridescent scales adorning it in twinkling patches.

“Prince Charming?” Janus asked in a tender whisper, so close Roman could feel hot breath on his cheek. “Are you still with us?”

“No, I’m gay, and I’m dying,” is the reply his suddenly shy mouth choked out, still lost in space.

“I know, I can practically see the gears turning in that pretty mind of yours. I know now may not be the right time for all of this, but I just can’t let this go unsaid any longer. I named myself something Roman so that I could feel closer to you, even if I was just pretending for my own sake. You inspire me, Roman, and I had found you so desirable that I found myself midair before I even knew I had been falling. You take my breath away. You are gorgeous, and headstrong, and proud, and stubborn and so, so incredibly beautiful I can’t help but feel I’ve dreamed you up myself some days. That is the truth, the deepest truth I know about myself- I have loved you since I met you.”

Whatever trance Roman had been in, dazed by this lovely being next to him was broken when he heard those words. Janus loved him. He  _ loved _ him. This was real, and happening and  _ his chance was right in front of him _ . He had to do something,  _ say _ something,  _ anything _ to keep this alluring, exquisite smiling face next to him from ever leaving. He was a Prince, for crying out loud! He was ready for a moment like this, despite the fact he believed it would never come.

“You… I cannot believe this is real…” he laughed, feeling a little stupid in spite of himself, for ever fearing this absolute poet.

“I’ll pinch you if you like,” purred Janus, looking more enticing than ever in the light of the silvery moon rising over his shoulder.

“No, that won’t be necessary, Sweet Serpent.” He took a hand of Janus’s in his own and steeled himself for the torrent of affection which was soon to come flying out of his mouth. “You can’t imagine how long I’ve dreamt of you uttering those words to me, gazing at me the way you are now, Asp-ple of my Eye. You have been the phantom in my dreams of love, and I’ve longed to confess it to you, to embrace with you so completely that our bodies forget the feeling of being apart. I adore you, entirely and wholly. You are a vision of beauty, a nymph lovely enough to turn Aphrodite to fits of jealous rage, a scintillating conversator, and your wit is enough to comatose me. I have been dreaming of you for so long. Not quite as long as you have been thinking of me, and still, I know as you do- the truth I know in my heart, in my soul, is that I love you, Janus. I love you; I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Now Janus was flushing, and Roman couldn’t stop the rush of pride he felt at reducing his Parseltongued paragon to such a pretty, blushing soul to behold in this, admittedly, gorgeous setting. He inched closer, slowly closing the space between them until he was holding Janus in his arms, and he felt more warm and real and  _ perfect _ than he could have ever imagined. “Are you feeling shy now, Caramia? Or have I truly made you speechless?” he allowed himself to chuckle. Janus flinched in his embrace, only to grab a fistful of Roman’s tunic and tug him down to face him.

“Roman, Mon Chere… shut up.”

“What, that was the most tender moment I’ve ever seen in my life, what gives?!”

“You didn’t let me finish, darling. Shut up," he hummed, leaning dangerously close and beckoning his prince to watch, " and kiss me already, you fool.”

“As you wish, Sugar Scales.”

And then, their lips met and the years of pining in silence came to a close. Both of them would say it was worth it. Janus was warm and Roman was burning hot as the two of them melted into one another, releasing several minutes later flushed and sated. The two of them gathered up their treats and strolled through the night together, never more than a few inches apart. They chatted about their silliness and obliviousness to their long-suffering crushes and confessed many more tender secrets. They shared more soft and passionate kisses, cherishing each one more than its predecessors. They laughed at the notion of their friends celebrating an end to all of their whining and chuckled at their own foolishness. Janus sang to Roman and quoted Austen. Roman pulled Janus into a dizzying dance under the stars and noted a new appreciation for _Hercules_ , and the two of them were so blissfully happy where they were that they were unaware they could go back to the Mind Palace. Not that they wanted to. They rested instead, under a blooming Magnolia tree, Janus tucked against Roman’s chest and deeply inhaling the sweet scent of the blossoms, champagne in hand, and more openly besotted than ever.

“A toast, my tempter,” Roman said, pecking Janus’s hair, nudging his arm with his flute.

“To change,” said Janus with a grin.

“To our future, my duplicitous lover.”

“To our friends, and the trouble they’ll be in when we get them back for this underhanded scheming.”

“Oh, payback is going to be so fun! I say we start with Patton and my brother…”

And, for one night, the denizens of the Mind Palace rested easy, knowing two fragile souls were growing stronger every minute they were together… and they intended to be together forever to make up for the eternity they spent alone.

Finally, there was peace. Until the new power couple decided to enact their revenge, and the chaos they all secretly missed began anew.


End file.
